Issue Contents

Page 1
# Article Article Summary
1 Proposed GOP budget for state universities is less than 20 years ago The article discusses the Iowa House of Representative's proposed budget for funding the Iowa's Regent universities, which would not include a sate funding increase; photo.
2 UNI student breaks record for fastest time running across Iowa
Schmitz--Mallory (Student--2021) 		Sophomore Paul Noble broke the previous record for the fastest time running across Iowa. Starting in Muscatine and finishing in Council Bluffs, he ran 279.85 miles in 3 days, 22 hours, and 50 minutes. The run was considered an ultramarathon; photos.
Page 3
# Article Article Summary
3 What is the cost in a barrel of oil?
Hill--Drew (Student--2021) 		The author explores the cost, impact, and products made from oil and petroleum and argues that they are essential to today's society; photos.
Page 4
# Article Article Summary
4 Sans smith slap, another tiring Oscars
Friesen--Hunter (Class of 2022) 		The author critiques the Academy Awards ceremony for being predictable and formulaic, not including all awards in the broadcast, and its long runtime, along with overt product placement and flat jokes. Friesen also discusses Will Smith slapping Chris Rock after Rock made a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith's hair. However, the author concludes that loyal viewers will continue to watch; photo.
Page 5
# Article Article Summary
5 Dining halls introduce latest in dishware saga: ZooPals Written by Malibu Schmootz, Former Infant, the satire article says that the dining halls have replaced normal tableware with ZooPals paper plates; photo.
6 Squirrels of UNI mount violent rodent revolution This satire article, written by Carl McChristensen, Human Bean, describes the violent revolution of UNI's campus squirrels; photo.
Page 6
# Article Article Summary
7 McCollum reptiles make grand escape Written by Dill Emma, Barely Average Writer, the satire article states that reptiles including turtles, snakes Big Noodle and Darth, lizards, and alligators Steve and Wally had escaped from McCollum Science Hall but had since been returned to their homes; photo.
8 UNI requires DNA test for parking pass Written by Brad Kristofferson, Stop, hammertime, the satire article says that UNI's new strategy for selling parking passes will require students to present a DNA sample, nasal swab, blood sample, urine sample, and drug test to ensure that only students who truly want a parking pass will purchase one; photo.
Page 7
# Article Article Summary
9 Ghosts protest demolition of Honors Cottage Written by Carl McChristensen, Human bean, the satire article discusses that the campus ghosts including Zelda (who haunts Strayer-Wood Theatre), Augie (who haunts Lawther Hall), and others including the ghosts of Rider and Hagemann Halls will haunt UNI administrators until they repeal their request to the Board of Regents for the Honors Cottage to be demolished; photo.
10 Mooks minvan tragically stolen Written by Karl Karlson, What do I manage????, the satire article says that Nark Mook's minivan was stolen when he was going to Chad's Pizza. Jerry Smith, representative of the UNI Police Department (UNI PD), gives tips on vehicle safety, and says they don't want to blame mascots TC and TK, although descriptions match. The staff of the Northern Iowan is also working with WD-40 man to find the culprit; photos.
Page 8
# Article Article Summary
11 Kurt Warner makes shocking return to UNI
Warrington--David (Student--2020) 		Written by David "Warner" Warrington, Spertz Werter, the satire article says that well-known football quarterback Kurt Warner, who had played at UNI before playing for the Iowa Barnstormers and NFL's St. Louis Rams, still had one year of college eligibility and would be returning to play for UNI at age 50; photo.
12 TC Panther to be replaced with a live panther The satire article by Shaden McKay, Spertz Werter, says that mascot TC will be replaced with live panther Obsidian; photo.
13 UNI-Dome to be deflated to create Iowa's largest swimming pool
Friesen--Hunter (Class of 2022) 		Written by Hunter "I'm Freezing" Friesen, Spertz Werter, the satire article says that UNI-Dome will be deflated to serve as a swimming pool during the football off-season due to the cost of air to keep it up, and will be re-inflated during football season using the wind. During the winter it will be turned into an enormous ice rink. Director of Athletics Dave Sportacus and facilities manager Beth Domerson are quoted; photo.
Page 9
# Article Article Summary
14 Allies successors in new greenhouse seem unaware of danger This article, a reprint from September 29, 1939, recalls the tragic fate of Allie the Alligator when the new greenhouse was built, and welcomes new successors Ike and Mike.
15 Animals make greenhouse like a zoo The article, a reprint from July 26, 1946, describes the many animals kept in the greenhouse on campus, including owls, Hamster mice, and various amphibians and aquatic animals.
Page 10
# Article Article Summary
16 Final Four preview: Duke and UNC meet in New Orleans
Horning--Colin (Class of 2022) 		The four teams set to compete in the men's basketball NCAA 2022 championship in the Caesars Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana, are the Villanova Wildcats, Kansas Jayhawks, Duke Blue Devils, and North Carolina Tar Heels; photo.